I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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