I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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