I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
