I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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