tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
