Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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