She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just had sex on a roof
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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