i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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