im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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