Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
