she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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