how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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