their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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