Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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