So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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