I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
