Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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