Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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