just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
