I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize