Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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