I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
