On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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