Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
