I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
