dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
