No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
