What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
