So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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