4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize