my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
