the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
