you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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