You're my little dorito
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
