I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
