I used to practice getting hit by cars.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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