I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
