I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
