I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
