don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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