How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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