In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
