Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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