My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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