just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
