This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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