ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
