I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
