1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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