My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
