if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
