i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
