My sheets look like a crime scene.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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