...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
