I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
