if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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