This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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