White coat. Heels.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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