One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
