When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
