belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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